Wheelchair wars

Yesterday I had the distinct honor of taking my Mother to a follow up appointment with her knee surgeon. Last week she had knee surgery and he needed to take a look to make sure it was healing properly. Since her surgery, Mom has been wrapped tightly in an ace bandage underneath a velcroed thigh-high immobilizer. This device is designed to prevent her from bending her knee as well as offering some bumper protection while it heals.

I try to be a good daughter so even though I had no experience with wheelchairs, I volunteered to do my duty and take her to the appointment since she could not drive while it was still on. How hard could it be, right?

Wrong.

You see, in order to transport Mom from the car (yeah Valet parking!) to the physician's office high on the 3rd floor of Hillcrest hospital, we needed a wheelchair. Now here's the thing- Mom is very independent and I am completely unskilled in wheelchair pushing. I knew we were doomed when we first arrived at the Hospital. Picture this- Mom gets out of the car and while I am dealing with the parking valet, she is waving her cane and already hobbling towards the swooshing double doors into the hospital.....

"MOM!" I cried

Nothing. Nada.

"MOM!" louder this time.

'MOM STOP!"

Mom paused, and glanced backward ever so contritely. I trotted over to her and grasped her elbow so I would be ready to catch her if she fell. 'Mom I need to get you a wheel chair"

"NOOOO we don't need that" she replied, annoyed.

"Mom, seriously, you shouldn't walk that far and if anything happened to you Dad would have my head. Please...'

Sighing she shrugged. "Oh.... OK"

Once I wrestled one from a hospital volunteer, I sat Mom in the wheelchair and attempted to figure out how to get her outstretched limb to fit onto the very short foot pedal. There was no way. I jammed her foot onto the pedal hoping her pain meds had kicked in. Mom just looked at me.

I handed Mom her purse and cane and proceeded to move forward.

'EEEEEK" the wheelchair squealed. Mom winced.

"Sorry Mom"

I guess it helps to loosen the hand brakes. Duh.

Mom smiled.

I released the brakes and now the wheelchair cooperated. After a few toggles I managed to get Mom moving at a pretty good clip as I navigated through the busy atrium of the hospital on my way to the elevator. Too good to be true.

Turning that sucker turned out to be harder than I anticipated and I plowed into a trashcan cleverly positioned between the elevator doors.

"Sorry Mom"

I managed to back her into the elevator when it opened but still banged her against the back wall as I tried to make room for other elevator patrons.

"Crap. Sorry Mom"

Getting out of the elevator was even harder since I had to wiggle out of the corner once again thumping her outstretched leg on another trashcan-land mine .

"Sorry Mom"

We managed to make it down the hallway and around two corners without incident and I began to think I had the hang of this thing. That was before I had to wrestle the Doctor's office door while maneuvering the wheelchair at the same time.

Thunkety thunk.

"Sorry Mom"

I pictured the police questioning me about the bruises on my poor Mother's leg. Guilt set in.

Wiggling Mom around a row of waiting room chairs I managed to position her close enough to the front desk so she could check in. A bead of sweat ran down my face.

The Receptionist grinned.

"Sorry Mom"

A nurse opened the waiting room door and called my mother's name.

Suddenly Mom sprang out of the wheelchair and hobbled into the office clearly done with the whole wheel chair thing.

I smiled.

" I love you Mom"